The Perfectionist English Learner
- luciamaltez
- Jun 22, 2023
- 7 min read
Updated: Mar 27, 2024
Until a few years ago I’d say, "Practice makes Perfect!", unaware of how I was in some way feeding the "endless striving" habit of my perfectionist students.
Perfectionists have extremely high standards or need to do things perfectly― very exhausting, I know!
As a recovering perfectionist, I once wore the badge with honor and confused doing my best with trying to achieve unrealistic standards. Nothing I did felt as if it was "good enough"!
Being well-acquainted with perfectionism makes it easier for me as a teacher to spot others in class who have this trait or tendency. Excellence-seeking perfectionists hold themselves―and sometimes others― to excessively high standards and are severely evaluating their performance. It’s the student who communicates quite well for their level but strives for flawless, effortless, native-like skills without ever being satisfied with their current abilities. Whereas the failure avoiding perfectionist is concern with mitigating failure and worries that their English isn’t good enough or that they’ll lose respect from their peers. This student is overly concerned with making mistakes and is afraid of speaking up because they don't want to say the wrong thing or sound stupid to the point that their fluency is hampered. To complicate matters, you can find students who have both profiles of perfectionism.
Sadly, perfectionism is quite common among high achieving and neurodivergent students ( people with ADHD , people on the spectrum, and the gifted). Without a doubt, this tendency has contributed to their success as students and professionals, but the cost is too high, and in the long-run it can negatively stunt their learning or growth.
Perfectionists are some of the most highly motivated students I have in my classes.
How can we identify perfectionist students? or How do you know if you are Perfectionist English Learner?
The person puts immense pressure on themselves to speak English "flawlessly" and confidently. It's the student who is overthinking everything they need to say or is constantly reformulating their answers because of a false belief that they are not communicating effectively.
They are either always apologizing or being harsh on themselves for making errors.
They fear what others might think of their speaking abilities.
They undervalue or lack awareness of their language abilities and strengths, rather they place too much emphasis on their challenges.
They don't stop to recognize their effort, instead they solely focus on outcomes.
They have a hard time accepting positive feedback. They need real reassurance that they are doing well.
This isn’t an exhaustive list, yet I do think it's important we understand that perfectionists are not simply seeking positive feedback or praise. They are communicating effectively their concerns and doubts in English, which is proof that the language learning isn't the underlaying problem, rather they need to work on adjusting their learning standards and mindset.
How Can Teachers help Perfectionist English Learners?
1. Understand Perfectionism
You can't help students if you don't know what perfectionism looks like, how it manifests in students, and how it can negatively impact their learning. These students have a disconnect between their "Ideal L2-Self" and their ought-to L2-Self (See the works of Zoltán Dörynei for more on this topic). In fact, some of my most successful learners are students who aren't afraid to make mistakes and just speak. These students achieve high levels of fluency because their mindset is: "You understood me. I got my message across. Who cares if I made a few mistakes!"
Knowing some of the traits and behaviors perfectionist learners engage in can help you shift some of your teaching practices to better help them overcome their challenges.
2. Create A Safe Environment
This is one of the most important factors in teaching― and I'd say in any type of relationship. Perfectionist students already come to English lessons with added pressure to perform and prove themselves, especially when we have professional adults whose reputation, image, and career prospects rests on having good English communication skills.
We need to have a supportive environment where these students can relax, have fun with the language, and model compassion when they make mistakes. I encourage my students to give themselves the opportunity to make mistakes. The mantra for perfectionists is to accept "good enough". This doesn’t mean we ignore the fact that the learners have valid reasons for being concern with their English skills, especially when English is crucial to their future success or aspirations.
3. Strive For Fluency Not Accuracy
My goal is for students to speak as accurately and fluently as possible. It’s about finding a balance in class activities that help students achieve both. However, with perfectionist learners, I shift my focus to fluency because I know they focus on their weaknesses rather than on their strengths. As I am aware that they tend to focus on the negative, I make it a point for them to focus on the positive. This means asking them what they think they did well during the lesson (and they’ll want to point out their mistakes. Challenge them not to!) to make them more conscious of what they are able to do. The key is to have them enter flow and then make them aware of the fact that they have spent the last X minutes speaking non-stop in English.
4. Set Achievable Goals
When I ask students their learning goals, they usually tell me very generic things.
They say, I want to:
· Speak more fluently.
· Speak more confidently.
· Stop translating so much in my head.
On the surface these seem like good goals, but, honestly, how do we measure them? How do they know they are speaking more fluently? What does speaking more confidently look like? What tells them that they are translating less in their heads? This is where my coaching training and framework helps students to get specific about what they mean by confidence or how they are going to measure their goals. For instance, if we are talking about fluency, a student can say, “I’m going to record myself weekly speaking for 3 minutes about what I am doing at work. After a month, I’ll make it 5 minutes, etc.”
Students need to find a personalized, tangible way to measure their progress.
Be Intentional About Feedback And Confront Limiting Beliefs
Perfectionist are a conundrum when it comes to feedback. They want feedback, but also fear it at the same time since they tend to focus on the negative. From my own experience, I used to put much more weight on negative feedback than positive feedback (one negative comment would outshine 9 positive ones). Many perfectionists don't always accept positive feedback very well either because they are their own worst critic. So whatever you say, they've amplified their own criticism by 3 folds.
I always praise effort and there's a lot of research on growth mindset by Dr. Carol S. Dwek showing that praising effort is more effective than praising outcomes or performance. Depersonalize the grammatical mistake or communication mistake from the student. I often sound like a broken record but say to students, “The errors are not a reflection of you or who you are as a person. They’re a snapshot of how much grammar, vocabulary, and awareness you have while speaking.”
So, I would say to a student, "Maria, I see you paid attention to my previous feedback about "people is" being a common mistake among Spanish speakers. You were much more intentional about using it less in today's class. I can see all the effort you put into self-correcting and being more aware of saying "people are" instead."
Being intentional doesn't mean that you sugarcoat things to students or lack courage to challenge them on limiting beliefs they hold. There’re tons of myths and limiting beliefs surrounding learning a language:
· You’re too old to learn!
· It’s effortless!
· You’re bad at learning languages!
· You can only learn a language if you move to a country where they speak it.
The list of myths can go on. We need to challenge the idea that learning and speaking another language doesn't bring some stress, effort and anxiety because it does. Students need to be aware that there is a level of stress and anxiety involved. What we need to do is help them learn how to increase their baseline for the discomfort of not knowing or understanding everything and not always having control over it.
The key is to be as supportive as possible! These students have natural drive and motivation and truly want to reach the highest standards. Remind them when those standards are too unrealistic or harsh.
For Perfectionist English Learners
1. Aim for Less
The first step is to realize that perfection is impossible. Remember that the person who pressures you the most is yourself. Experiment with your standards. Aim for 90% good, then 80%, and so on. Slowly you'll realize that the world doesn't end if you're not perfect. You're still capable of speaking and communicating in English.
2. Focus On Your learning Process Try to enjoy your English class and focus on the activities, instead of your performance. Don't evaluate your progress based on accomplishments or comparing yourself to others. Look at what you’re learning while remembering that progress is not linear.
3. Celebrate Your Mistakes Laughing helps you take yourself less seriously. There are things we can only learn by making mistakes. When I was learning some Spanish idioms, I once said "armar una polla" instead of "armar un follón”; someone laughing their pants off mentioned how my expression was inappropriate. I've never forgotten how I got my expression mixed up, and I’m certain that I’ll never make that mistake again.
4. Set realistic goals Think about reachable, tangible, measurable goals based on your wants and needs. Don’t compare yourself with what other students can do or what you think you should be capable of.
5. Find a mindfulness practice
Mindfulness raises your self-awareness by helping you recognize and challenge negative thoughts with more self-compassion. It also helps you reduce the stress and anxiety you have because of all the pressure you put on yourself. Find a meditation practice that helps you to remember that "You are enough". If meditation is not for you, try journaling, going for a walk, or doing some exercise.
If you still find yourself struggling with perfectionism in English, you can always try to work with a language coach to support you in your learning journey (Shameless plug for myself).
Remember, practice makes better! Aim for progress not perfect.
Sources:
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228683035_Learner_Perfectionism_and_its_Role_in_Foreign_Language_Learning_Success_Academic_Achievement_and_Learner_Anxiety
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